Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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