i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
