My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
