Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
