Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
