Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
