i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
