So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
