I love black thongs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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