Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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