I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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