Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
