No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
