is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
