i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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