dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
