hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
