she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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