how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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