He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
