forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
