I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
