My room smells like vodka and shame
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
operation have a gay friend backfired
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How does one acquire holy water?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize