it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
