I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
