dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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