FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
