Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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