My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize