You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it's like iHOP with fire
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
