And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
