I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
