oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
