Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
