Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
