I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
