Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
