I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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