So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Watching her eat just hurts me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
