pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
