Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize