I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
too bad you live with your parents still
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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