There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
