He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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