I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
