If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
