a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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