barbara walters just said penis...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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