Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize