the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
