Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
