I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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