I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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