Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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