Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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