I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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