This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize