Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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