i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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