I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
