i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
