Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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