Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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