Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
do nipples grow back?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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