i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
