you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
