Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
