Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
