i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
