I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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