I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize