i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
