Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sext me about skeletons
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
