Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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