I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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