I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
