Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize