Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
