tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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